Unpacking the Wisdom of 50: Navigating the Winter of Writing and Introspection

Turning 50 is a pivotal moment in life. It’s when many of us pause and reflect on our journeys, contemplating the pathways that have shaped who we are. Like winter, this season often brings a quiet stillness that invites deep introspection. The chilly winds and white landscapes can feel daunting, but they also offer a beautiful backdrop for creativity.

I admit that when this year started, and I realized this was the year, the YEAR, that I turned 50, I began to panic. I'm still not okay with it. I don't know if I ever will be. 50 holds a lot of weight for me. I had put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve certain milestones, which I was not even close to. These arbitrary signposts I set for myself 28 years ago have moved countless times. (Usually fueled by setbacks and tragedies.) Then there's the dark clouds of grief that hang over me. My father passed at 50. For years, 50 had felt old age to me, the age when you start getting AARP mail and senior discounts. It was a huge red flag of time passing and the clock ticking down. My mom only lived twenty years past 50; how could I fit the rest of my life and everything I still wanted to achieve into twenty years?

For the majority of my life, I have struggled with severe depression and, anxiety, and, at times, suicidal ideations. There was a time I never even thought I would make it to 50. So, how do I navigate something that holds such weight? All these thoughts have been spinning wildly through my head. All the mistakes I have made, all the challenges I have overcome, all the people I hurt, mixed with all the people I have loved, all fighting for attention in my thoughts. What could I do?

Write about it! Write through all the emotions; maybe others are facing the same passing of time. So, I have been meditating on it. Writing on it and trying to find the peace in my heart. I don't feel 50; I don't feel like I look 50. (What does 50 look like anyway?) And it dawned on me!

Reaching 50 is more than just a date on the calendar; hell, it's a privilege! So many people don't make it to the second half of their lives. It symbolizes a collection of experiences, lessons learned, and personal growth. This milestone invited me to ask important questions: What have I accomplished? Am I pursuing the passions that ignite my spirit? And if not, why? How can I? All my meditation helped me realize that I have a second act. I can make the changes I want to see, there is still time. As long as we are walking this earth, there is still time.

What about my transgressions? As Mya Angelo said, "If you know better, you can do better!" And I think I have been doing that for the last seven years. I am trying to grow and make myself a better person. Each and every day, there's time to grow and change if we put in the work.

Winter can often seem dreary, but there lies a unique beauty in its tranquility. I'm starting to see the unique beauty of turning 50. I no longer care as much what people think. (Your life is not yours if you constantly care what others think.) I see my unique beauty and how life has shaped me. If I hadn't faced the myriad challenges, abuses, and obstacles, maybe I wouldn't be the same person. Perhaps I wouldn't possess the love I hold deep inside me and the empathy I feel. Sure, there has been a lot of pain, but there has also been a lot of beauty.

I don't think I'm one hundred percent ok with turning 50 at this point, but I have ten months to work on that. I feel a little better about it. I have the tools to face it with dignity and compassion for myself. Maybe this next decade will be where I become my authentic self—the person I have always wanted to be.

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A tranquil winter scene inviting introspection and creativity.

**** For writers and aspiring writers, Winter's pristine beauty can provide clarity, inspiring your writing sessions. Pay attention to the small details and let nature guide your reflections.***